Humoral Speech In Conan OBriens Speech - 1064 Words

â€Å"Though some of you may see me as a celebrity, you should know that I once sat where you sit. Literally. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat.† Graduates of Dartmouth College were granted a pass from the typical clichà ©s of commencement speeches when comedian Conan O’Brien took the podium to usher them into the next phase of their lives. Though littered with comical jabs at the college and its graduates, O’Brien’s address offered the audience candid life advice based on his successes and failures throughout his career. O’Brien employed his humor to break the ice to the class of 1,782 students, commending them for their achievements that â€Å"only 92 percent of Americans their age will ever know: a college diploma†. He†¦show more content†¦As a prospective college student in 1980, O’Brien visited Dartmouth, â€Å"I made the trip up from Boston on a mule and, after asking the blacksmith in West Leb for directions, I came to this beautiful campus. It snowed heavily during my visit and I was trapped here for four months. I was forced to eat the mule...Still, I loved Dartmout h and I vowed to return.† O’Brien, the son of a Harvard School of Medicine Professor and an attorney, graduated from Harvard University in 1985, to which he slanted â€Å"But fate dealt a heavy blow. With no money, I was forced to enroll in a small, local commuter school, a pulsating sore on a muddy elbow of the Charles River...to this day I cannot help but wonder: What if I had gone to Dartmouth?† He concluded that if he had gone to Dartmouth, he still wouldnt know the second verse to Dear Old Dartmouth. to which he added â€Å"face it, none of you do. You all mumble that part† and that if he had gone to Dartmouth, he would have a liver â€Å"the size and consistency of a bean bag chair†. Applause continued as O’Brien introduced what he coined â€Å"the Conan Doctrine†. Taking inspiration from Winston Churchill and JFK’s introduction of ground-breaking policies at university commencements. Under The Conan Doctrine: â€Å"All bachelor degrees will be upgraded to masters degrees. All masters degrees will be upgraded to PhDs. And all MBA students will be immediately